Another One of THOSE Fics!
by Kara Leroux
Summary: My spoof on the whole some modern chick gets stuck in POTC and falls in love with Jack. MILD WILL BASHING! Rated T for eunich jokes.


---- Hi, it's me! Axl! Taking a quick break from GONM to write something silly. I know what you're thinking, "She's taking a break already! What's wrong with her, besides being completely daft like Jack?" Believe it or not, I've been writing that thing for a very long time. Anyway. . . ----

_Axl is walking around her school building, skipping class. As she's walking down the hall, she gets inexplicably sucked into locker 777, the number that seems to follow her around. _(Seriously guys! It's. . . everywhere o0 ) _Suddenly, she's falling from the sky and lands in a shallow bay in Port Royal, Jamaica. Jack Sparrow just happens to be hanging out on the dock at the time, and sees her fall._

**Jack:** Oh, crap. Not again! --_Jumps in water to save Axl--_

_Axl opens her eyes to see Jack staring down at her. He's all soaking wet. Yay!_

**Axl:** Hi. Anyone ever tell ya you look just like Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow?

**Jack:** Johnny who?

**Axl:** Ne'r mind. Where am I? One second I'm skipping class, the next I'm . . . doing whatever this is.

**Jack:** Okay. . . well . . . Since you're here, how 'bout you some around with me until you find your way back to. . . Where are you from?

**Axl:** Some town smeared on the bottom of Illinois's sneaker where nothing ever happens.

**Jack:** Oh. Okay. --_Helps her up--_ And it's _Captain_ Jack Sparrow.

**Axl:** Sure. Whatever.

_Jack takes Axl to meet his friends Will and Elizabeth._

_(In blacksmith shop)_

**Jack:** Axl, this is Will.

**Will:** Hello there. And how do you explain these ridiculous clothes? --_Points to Axl's blue jeans, black t-shirt, and camo jacket, all of which have not been invented yet.--_

**Axl:** --_Looks down at her clothes.--_ Hmmm . . . I don't know. How do you explain your baggy pants?

**Will:** --_Glaring at Jack--_ Would you stop spreading those rumors about me?

**Jack:** --_Smug--_ What rumors? Who's spreading rumors? I haven't heard any rumors! _Whispering to Axl _I'd rather call them lies.

**Will:** I heard that!

**Jack:** Not caring. Let's go see Elizabeth now!

_(At the Governor's mansion)_

**Liz:** Hi, Axl.

**Axl:** Hi.

_Awkward silence_

**Jack:** So, what say we all go party in Tortuga!

**All:** TORTUGA!

_(The Faithful Bride)_

**Axl:** --_Playing piano and singing-- _. . . Hear the dogs howling out of key to a hymn called "Faith and Misery," and bleed, the company lost the war today. I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. . . On Holiday!

**Jack:** This "Green Day." They're a band from your time?

**Axl:** Yeah. Green Day rocks.

**Jack:** Sure.

**Liz:** Hey, me and Will are gonna go somewhere now, so you two can be alone.

**Will:** We are?

**Liz:** Yeah. That's the really cliche thing that happens in every story like this, right? Two people are left alone and share a special moment so that the readers know that they're going to fall in love, then they stop reading coz they already know how it's going to end?

**Will:** Oh. Oh, yeah! Okay, then. Let's go to. . . the. . . place! Yeah, we gotta go to the place and ask a guy about a. . . thing.

_Will and Liz leave. Axl sits down next to Jack. There's a long moment of silence._

**Jack:** So. . . D'you like. . . um. . . food?

**Axl:** Yeah. I like food. You like food?

**Jack:** Mm hmm.

**Axl:** Ah. . . --_long pause--_ . . . Y'know, I ate some food once.

**Jack:** Cool. Was it good?

**Axl:** It was ar'ight.

**Jack:** Awesome.

_There's another freakishly long pause._

**Jack:** --_clears throat--_ . . .so. . .

**Axl:** . . .So.

**Jack:** Well?

**Axl:** Well what? --_realizes what he's suggesting--_ Oh, right! This is the part where we're supposed to try and kiss, but it's tragically interrupted!

**Jack:** Yeah! That's it!

**Axl:** Oh. A'righty, then!

_Jack and Axl lean toward each other until they are an inch apart, then Will and Liz burst in._

**Will:** Jack! Axl! Help! Gibbs has a hangover and he barfed all over my new designer coat that I stupidly left lying in the middle of the floor! Dry-cleaning! I NEED DRY-CLEANING! _--falls on floor in a fetal position and sucks his thumb--_

**Liz:** Oh, sorry. Are we tragically interrupting anything?

**Axl:** Nothing unanticipated by the readers, no!

**Jack:** Right. C'mon, drag 'im onto the Pearl. We'll get him and his precious coat to the dry cleaners in 20 minutes tops.

_(On the Black Pearl during a romantic sunset. Go figure.)_

**Axl:** Well look at that, whadaya know! We're all alone again.

**Jack:** Yep. All alone.

**Axl:** Uh huh! Just you, me, and this cliche sunset.

**Jack:** And we won't be interrupted this time, as Liz is below deck, tending to Will. . .

**Axl:** Mm hmm. --_more pausing--_ Oh, let's just make out already!

**Jack:** Heck, why not?

_So, Jack and Axl finally do some spit-swapping._

**Axl:** Okay, now what?

**Jack:** Well, I think this is where you forgive me for something I didn't even do.

**Axl:** Oh, right right right! Okay, um. . . Yeah, I forgive you now. For that. . . thing that. . . um. . . _Will! _Yeah, that thing that Will convinced me that you did!

**Jack:** Oh. But I didn't do. . . whatever it was.

**Axl:** How dare you lie to me! --_slaps Jack, stalks off--_

**Jack:** Yeah, that was unexpected. NOT!

_(At dry-cleaner's)_

**Liz:** It's okay, Will! Your coat'll be okay.

**Will:** --_sucking thumb--_ HOLD ME!

**Axl:** --_To Jack--_ I'm still not speaking to you ever again! Nyeah!

**Jack:** Oh, I have to do the passionate "can't live without you" speech, now, don't I?

**Axl:** Yeah, I think that's what usually comes next.

**Jack:** Oh, alright. --_on knees--_ Axl, before I met you I thought I would never be able to love. But you broke my heart when I thought it couldn't be broken anymore!

**Axl:** Don't you listen to HIM? "Hearts were made to be broken by love!"

**Jack:** Uh. . . yeah! Sure! Whatever. . . So will you come back to me now?

**Axl:** Hmm. . . Aw, what the heck!

_More smooches._

**Jack:** I knew we were meant for each other the moment I saw you. See, look. --_takes out compact mirror he stole from Will to sell on the black market-- _We have matching eyeliner!

**Axl:** Uh, Jack?

**Jack:** What, love?

**Axl:** Y'know all that sentimental stuff? Yeah, that's over now.

**Jack:** Huh?

**Axl:** The fic's over. We can stop acting and go backstage for doughnuts.

**Jack:** Buteveryone's still reading. And what about you getting back to your own time?

**Axl:** Doughnuts first. Ending later.

_Everyone goes backstage for doughnuts._

**Axl:** Okay, let's finish this puppy! So, turns out I need to learn the value of a good education in order for me to go back. Ditching class is what got me into this dookie pile in the first place.

**Liz:** Ooh! How 'bout this! If you don't get a good education, you'll end up like Will.

**Will:** Hey!

**Axl:** Gasp! You mean I'll be a eunich?

**Jack:** More like a . . . eunichette.

**Axl:** NOOOOOOOO! Wait. Can girls _be _eunuchs?

**Jack:** How would I know! Look, just go back and learn junk, okay?

**Axl:** Well, I guess that works, too. See y'all later! --_starts drifting back up into the sky--_

**Jack:** Don't forget meeeeee...

**Axl:** Duh! I'll see your picture every time I open my locker.

_Axl suddenly wakes up in the middle of the class she was dreaming about skipping._

**Teacher:** Axl! Are you paying attention, or are you too busy dreaming about Johnny Depp to get a good education!

**Axl:** What? Huh! I'm sorry, what was the question?

**Teacher:** Sigh. . . Who was the 18th president of the United States?

**Axl:** Uh. . . I. . . BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG!

**Teacher:** That's funny. Last week when I asked you that same question, you said it was Toby Mac!

**Axl:** Well, _I'd_ vote for 'im.

**Teacher:** --_taps foot impatiently--_

**Axl:** --_thinks carefully--_ . . .James Norrington?

**Teacher:**_ --smiles--_ Correct! See, I knew you could do it.

**Axl:** --_winks to readers. Yeah, you knew it was coming!--_

---- Yay! Okay, break's over. Back to GONM for me. ----

Axl

PS Yes, I really do know how to play Holiday on the piano. You can find the four chords on my blog, a link to which should be in my profile.


End file.
